Once again I find myself at home in the afternoon after work not at all interested in the beautiful day. I have been trying to catch up on sleep only to find that I have misplaced 6 hours or so every night. I have to get up at 5 or 6 and while it leaves the rest of the day to work I tend to come home feeling defeated instead of excited. I like my job a lot, but I am still struggling with the new location. I like the customers/coworkers/central park, but I cannot get used to the lack of space, horrible storage situation (falling ceiling on our stuff), and the unknowns...4-5 cases too many of milk that have to be put in the sinks until we go through them, a sleeping bag left in the compost bin as a gift when I opened (yuck...and i did not touch it do not worry), and feeling hurried to open even though i come in at 6 instead of 6:30. There are perks of course and as I get to know the regulars more I feel like I am happy with them. I just feel like a barista there and only that. At the other shop I feel like more for some reason. I think I still have not found a balance. I know this is still only 5 months in, but I want concrete things to happen. I am antsy. I want more art work projects. Right now I am getting stuff together for Hallmark as I kindly asked my agent if she would see if they were interested in having me do work for them. I want to work for them so desperately, but I want them to be not in Kansas City...why! I really just want to have my own card company, but I am still trying to figure out how that works and if it would make sense. It would be really excellent, but I do not want to lose money to be in store where they jack up my price and I barely make back what I spent. It seems wrong. It also seems wrong to charge 10 dollars for a card. I don't know people pay it, but really. I raised my prices on the upper west to 4 dollars just to see if it was possible and a woman bought one, but said it was overpriced as she paid for it....grantid she also said out coffee was overpriced...1.90 for specialty coffee...good luck finding something that does not taste like bath water for less.
Getting back to Hallmark. They want me to put together a collection of images that they can licience for a time to use. There are no royalties only a flat fee which will probably be around 150-200 dollars. It is not a sustanable thing for me to do, but it would give me some resume cred. and maybe other things will come of it. The idea of spending the day in a studio or my apartment is really great. I would need to work outside one day I think just to keep like interesting, but it would be super excellent. I feel like I am producing some good work, but it is taking longer and producing really good work takes warming up which is taking much longer. I am such a whiner.
top 5 annoying things:
1. craft fair bust number 2
2. incomplete sentances that sound like barked demands "latte!" "give me..." Does your mamma know you talk that way?
3. cell phones while order...like chewing with ones mouth open and talking at the same time
4. people that try to run you off the stairs going down to the subway/sidewalk zombies
5. stress of feeling behind in life
ps i love the weather, brooklyn, art, podcasts, animal collective, celebrities getting coffee, my coworkers, jj, our tomato plant that is growing up the kitchen window by in inch each day, amazing coffee, napping in prospect park while watching puppies...
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Does this iced Cappuccino make my head look like a butt
I have had a monster week of work that is bleeding into the next week and I think the only thing that is sustaining me is the weather and the lightness of my bank account. I am splitting my time between 13th street and 85th which is confusing at times and tiring at others. The trains are so weird and the only way to know which are running express, local, or not running at all is to sit in the station and see what comes. Hop stop, google, and the mta website are useless. I even asked the station attendant if the 2,3 was going to be stopping at 86th (apparently they were all running local this weekend) and he picked his head up out of his hands long enought to say "no." I did not believe him and luckily I was right the 2 stopped at 86 and I my prize was being 30 mintues early for my sunday open shift, yay. Actually, to get the store open it takes that much time right now. If we are understocked (b/c the closers forgot to get something) then we have to go into the dungion where the back up stock is. The dungion is underneath the building and we have to go to an alley, through the metal doors in the ground, and down a hall way from the Blairewitch Project. It is less than ideal and if something were to happen to you then no one would hear let alone be able to get to you through 4 different locked doors that we only have one set of keys for. I of course am being dramatic. We also have access to the storage through the floor. We just cannot access it during business hours because it would mean making people move and lifting 3 x 4 foot panel of the floor up (and our store is tiney). Despite all that it is growing on me. The customers are beginning to realize we are just as human as them...if not more and not dumb as bricks.
In funny news on a day I was not looking forward to going into work I got to make a cappuccino for Keanu Reeves. It was so funny cause the Jonathan was in being our 3rd wheel behind the bar and he said "I have that for you." I looked up and there he was looking puffy, but like some hung over form of himself. I made him a cappuccino while the the customers either did not notice or pretended not to. He said hello and I smiled and said the same all the while wishing he would take his drink as quickly as possible and leave (celebs make me nervous and I actually do not like interacting with them). He got his cap with a heart on it and said "wow you made me a heart" to which I responded "yeah, and free of charge." It was a small interaction, but enough to make my day interesting. Still, I do not like having noticeable celebs in my store. They know who they are and I know who they are and there is a weird space that is then created...it makes me spill drinks on them. Michael Pitt comes in to 13th every day, but he is super unassuming, really nice, and I like interacting with him.
Note: both Michael Pitt and Keanu Reeves took perk cards when they were offered...in my opinion that makes them smart...why turn down a free thing?! Maggie Gyllenhaal and Parker Posey looked at me like I was dumb when I offered them ones....which isn't entirely true only Maggie. Look I have to at least "pretend" you are a normal person! You want normalcy as much as I do. (I have only made Parker Posey drinks never taken her order. She is usually on the phone, but smiley....her dog is named Rosey Posey).
In other news, I was rained out at my craft show. I decided to sell my work at Union Square and of got a ticket for not having a tax id. I did not know I needed one to sell my own work. Lucky for me it was the nice cop (accoording to Jeff the vendor across the way). The ticket was only for 50 bucks and the cop told me to get a tax id by my court date and they would probably throw out the fine because I was misinformed about what I needed to sell my art.
I only sold 18 dollars worth of cards, but that's ok. When I get my id I am going to try selling by Prospect Park.
Lastly, things I love about NY so far:
1. running in the park (both prospect and upper central)
2. regulars (who feel propriety over me)
3. Rebar cook book
4. Playing settlers with friends
5. cheese
6. Joe's Lemonaid, dear god amazing.
7. NY times reading on the couch
8. our apartment
9. public transit
10. JJ picking me up from work
In funny news on a day I was not looking forward to going into work I got to make a cappuccino for Keanu Reeves. It was so funny cause the Jonathan was in being our 3rd wheel behind the bar and he said "I have that for you." I looked up and there he was looking puffy, but like some hung over form of himself. I made him a cappuccino while the the customers either did not notice or pretended not to. He said hello and I smiled and said the same all the while wishing he would take his drink as quickly as possible and leave (celebs make me nervous and I actually do not like interacting with them). He got his cap with a heart on it and said "wow you made me a heart" to which I responded "yeah, and free of charge." It was a small interaction, but enough to make my day interesting. Still, I do not like having noticeable celebs in my store. They know who they are and I know who they are and there is a weird space that is then created...it makes me spill drinks on them. Michael Pitt comes in to 13th every day, but he is super unassuming, really nice, and I like interacting with him.
Note: both Michael Pitt and Keanu Reeves took perk cards when they were offered...in my opinion that makes them smart...why turn down a free thing?! Maggie Gyllenhaal and Parker Posey looked at me like I was dumb when I offered them ones....which isn't entirely true only Maggie. Look I have to at least "pretend" you are a normal person! You want normalcy as much as I do. (I have only made Parker Posey drinks never taken her order. She is usually on the phone, but smiley....her dog is named Rosey Posey).
In other news, I was rained out at my craft show. I decided to sell my work at Union Square and of got a ticket for not having a tax id. I did not know I needed one to sell my own work. Lucky for me it was the nice cop (accoording to Jeff the vendor across the way). The ticket was only for 50 bucks and the cop told me to get a tax id by my court date and they would probably throw out the fine because I was misinformed about what I needed to sell my art.
I only sold 18 dollars worth of cards, but that's ok. When I get my id I am going to try selling by Prospect Park.
Lastly, things I love about NY so far:
1. running in the park (both prospect and upper central)
2. regulars (who feel propriety over me)
3. Rebar cook book
4. Playing settlers with friends
5. cheese
6. Joe's Lemonaid, dear god amazing.
7. NY times reading on the couch
8. our apartment
9. public transit
10. JJ picking me up from work
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Exercise those demons!
Feeling better and productive. I have been posting to my flickr for art primarily, but I really need to double post cause not everyone looks at my flickr. These are the latest illustrations some good some better. I spend a fair amount of time worrying that my work is looking the same. I had ideas and now I am riding those various ideas. I don't know why I feel like an imposter or a cheater. Maybe I am just not as excited as I want to be. Any time I do something new that I like I get a rush of adrehelin and I have not gotten that recently. I also guage success on how many people view my work on my flickr and it has not been more than 10 people so I am feeling a little sad about that. I think I need to do some more exploratory sketching maybe that will help. I just hate that feeling of my best work being behind me...rediculious I know, but a fear non the less. I used to worry about drawing block. I would get so bummed when I thought I had "the block" and just sit around and wait until it was lifted like a punishment. Now I just worry about producing stale work. Maybe they are the same thing or maybe now I it is just a lot easier to release mediochre work into world. The world is at my fingertips and I am filling it up with virtual clutter. Note: No need to respond to this blather. If I do not exercise (yes I mean exercise) my anxiety demons then they stay get stir crazy and run around the apartment bothering JJ, jumping on the couch, and knocking over cups.
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