Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Stagnant hypoxia

Here is an illustration I did for a tattoo for my friend and website builder, Kevin!
I am excited to see the tattooist interpretation of my work. It is the most exciting thing of late. I am basically feeling slumpy. I think the whole season changing causes me to feel a bit of a crisis. When the weather changes I want to change with it, but I still feel the same sense of limbo. I love work, but I also see my peers getting design gigs and jobs related to their school training. I have been out of school two years now and I was hoping to be on a more direct path at this point. I know its an individual experience, but it still feels very depressing. I know the one big difference is that I am doing all my work for myself and not for a big firm. I draw what I want, but at the price of not really being published much. I would love some magazine work, but I just do not think my style is what art directors are looking for or at least I have not gotten any responses from art directors saying the contrary.
I am also a bit worried that if this book gets rejected from publishing houses that I will lose my motivation. I know it would be temporary, but still I would like to actually get somewhere. So far my education has not gotten me jobs. Out of college I never got a job related to my degree or academics and out of grad school it has been the same story. I know a good chunk of it is my fault. I did not push myself hard enough in college because I did not want an art history office job. And out of design school I could only picture myself at Hallmark, but I did not interview because of Kansas City (I'm assuming I do not need to explain). So now, here I am feeling a bit water logged by my own decisions.
Its not that I have not had victories they just have been relatively small. And this may sound silly, but any time I talk about things that could happen they do not. So now, of course, I assume that the big 3 publishers will all turn down the book. I have heard nothing from my agent...which I know is normal as I have told it takes months to hear back from publishers...but I want a shoe string of hope or maybe a decision deadline.
This is a lot more wollowy than usual, but I have been feeling very antsy and financially strapped.
In an effort to keep myself from going insane I have solidly began the next book. I came up with the plot last not, hallelujah!, and will begin writing tomorrow. I did some character sketches, but it is unclear if the main character should be a boy or a girl. I did have a boy all drawn up, but I can basically add a bit more hair and turn him into a girl....it seems almost cruel. Anyway, this time round I am writing before I delve into drawing. Maybe I will have a solid book footing before I hear back from any publishers. Either way, I am ready for change.

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